Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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