Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
