So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
