my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
