Got a toothbrush?
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
