Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
