So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
