I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
