Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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