So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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