Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
