I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
