last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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