But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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