i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
