If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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