Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
