I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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