I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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