420 ftw
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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