the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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