they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
