I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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