just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
