Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
