i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You may now shotgun with the bride
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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