Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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