You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
