First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
