The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
