Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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