It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
my being single is dangerous.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
