yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
