its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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