So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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