And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
