dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
