STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
