Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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