Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
