foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
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