So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
