Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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