A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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