The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
