i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
