she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
