I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
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