can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
