I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I think my nap took me to another dimension
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize