There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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