I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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