I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
