you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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