Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
