I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
