Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
