No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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