It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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