His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
We need a shit load of segways right now
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
