Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize