There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
