You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
