By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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