I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
