found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I came so hard my ears popped.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
