My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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