He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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