you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
