my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
