Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
