I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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