Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
