Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize